[Zenyatta's jieba flickered like light refracted across a pool. Different forms of different loves. Yes. Had he not understood that, he wondered, or simply forgotten his own feelings?
He loved Mondatta. He loved all of his brothers and sisters, he loved Genji. Those feelings were not the same as those he had devoted to Gabriel, but they were no less intense, no less meaningful, and looking back now he could not help but feel a stab of guilt at his own short-sightedness. Non-literal this time.]
I- I know. [Somehow it sounded like a confession in itself. He paused.] I know that you care for me. I have never doubted that.
[Context, though. It made all the difference.]
... I suppose I have been idealising a certain type of love. It was-- foolish of me. But it is only in our darkest moments that we truly understand the value of the light. [He glanced sideways at the man beside him, and those nine faint lights flickered only once more before they held strong.] Thank you for being my friend.
I am sorry it's not in the way you wanted, Zen. It can be easy to get lost when it comes to thoughts of love. [And can hurt when you put yourself out to after worrying. Afraid of not being enough because of so many reasons that could be thought of.
His gaze had finally lifted back to the omnic, some small vine curling from the floor where Gabriel had rested a hand. It curling between fingers with small closed flower buds along it-]
You're not the first, or the last, who will likely do such a thing. It's part of being alive. [He did consider omnics alive, as beings, despite what happened during the Crisis. They may not be human, but they were there and could feel, right?] I'm.. very fucking glad you gave me a chance. You had no reason to, and I didn't expect a damn thing.
Ah- [Zenyatta flustered briefly, jieba fluttering-] no, you must not apologise for your feelings. [of lack of them, some treacherous part of him added, and if he ever doubted he had a heart it made its presence known with a lurch] I would never ask that of you.
[And Gabriel was right, of course. A thousand and one faults had arisen in that moment to remind him of his faults, his insecurities- is it because I am an omnic, he'd nearly asked, but it had seemed so shamefully unfair that he'd swallowed it back.]
... "part of being alive"... [He sounded soft and wan, a dreamy twilight of a voice, before, faintly, he laughed.] I... suppose it is.
[Like second chances. Like hope. Like friendship.
And before he could quite stop himself Zenyatta found himself sinking sideways, little by little, until his head met the warm shelf of Gabriel's shoulder.]
[A small shrug of shoulders-] All the same, you know.
[That he couldn't offer more than what was already being given, that much more that was wanted but- It was all he could give then and there. Still finding himself and adjusting.
Would have to be enough.]
Would say you're every bit alive as I am, but my state of living is questionable at best. [Both a bit of a joke at himself and implying that he at least felt the omnic was more than that. Even after fighting omnics in the crisis he still felt it.
Voice soft all the while and going still for a moment before he relaxed there at the weight on his shoulder.]
Yeah, long as you want. [Gabriel had always been a little more physical when it came to even platonic affection.
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He loved Mondatta. He loved all of his brothers and sisters, he loved Genji. Those feelings were not the same as those he had devoted to Gabriel, but they were no less intense, no less meaningful, and looking back now he could not help but feel a stab of guilt at his own short-sightedness. Non-literal this time.]
I- I know. [Somehow it sounded like a confession in itself. He paused.] I know that you care for me. I have never doubted that.
[Context, though. It made all the difference.]
... I suppose I have been idealising a certain type of love. It was-- foolish of me. But it is only in our darkest moments that we truly understand the value of the light. [He glanced sideways at the man beside him, and those nine faint lights flickered only once more before they held strong.] Thank you for being my friend.
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His gaze had finally lifted back to the omnic, some small vine curling from the floor where Gabriel had rested a hand. It curling between fingers with small closed flower buds along it-]
You're not the first, or the last, who will likely do such a thing. It's part of being alive. [He did consider omnics alive, as beings, despite what happened during the Crisis. They may not be human, but they were there and could feel, right?] I'm.. very fucking glad you gave me a chance. You had no reason to, and I didn't expect a damn thing.
Hell, you're the first close friend I made here.
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[And Gabriel was right, of course. A thousand and one faults had arisen in that moment to remind him of his faults, his insecurities- is it because I am an omnic, he'd nearly asked, but it had seemed so shamefully unfair that he'd swallowed it back.]
... "part of being alive"... [He sounded soft and wan, a dreamy twilight of a voice, before, faintly, he laughed.] I... suppose it is.
[Like second chances. Like hope. Like friendship.
And before he could quite stop himself Zenyatta found himself sinking sideways, little by little, until his head met the warm shelf of Gabriel's shoulder.]
[quietly:] May I? For-- a moment?
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[That he couldn't offer more than what was already being given, that much more that was wanted but- It was all he could give then and there. Still finding himself and adjusting.
Would have to be enough.]
Would say you're every bit alive as I am, but my state of living is questionable at best. [Both a bit of a joke at himself and implying that he at least felt the omnic was more than that. Even after fighting omnics in the crisis he still felt it.
Voice soft all the while and going still for a moment before he relaxed there at the weight on his shoulder.]
Yeah, long as you want. [Gabriel had always been a little more physical when it came to even platonic affection.
This counted if you asked him.]