[Those word give him warmth as Zenyatta's insights generally tend to comfort and balance. To hear that the monk feels as though he knows his heart so well makes him feel...good? Important? Most days Hanzo hardly feels like he deserves to draw breath, yet when he tries to see himself through Zenyatta's eyes he can forget about all the things he hates about himself if even just briefly.]
If we meet outside of here, do not give up on me.
[The car stops, and Hanzo pays the driver, but he doesn't get out just yet. He doesn't want to part ways with Zenyatta. Genji is gone but his belongings are still there. They make the place feel so empty. Lonely.]
Come in with me? Even if just for a while. [Zenyatta is suspiciously good and putting Hanzo to bed and slipping away before morning. Sometimes he wishes the latter wasn't part of it, but he attributes that to his recent increase in neediness. Dependence. He really should do better. Genji would hate to see him this way--but also if he cared about the aftermath he would have fought harder to stay with him. The selfish thought makes him fall back into the self-loathing again. Why would Zenyatta profess love to someone as terrible as he was?]
This life is the one we should be worried about while we are here.
[Ne-ver, the word is the heartbeat he does not have. It resonates within the hollow shell of his chest, softer and softer, until the vehicle grinds to a halt and Hanzo moves. The spell is broken.
Zenyatta does not have to think about his answer.]
I would like that very much.
[The truth is that he is simply never sure of the kind of boundaries he should respect with Hanzo. His bed, his body, his thoughts... already he has been allowed into some of the most vigilantly guarded chambers of the man's life, and it is difficult to know where to stop. They have woken together before, of course, but on some nights it feels as if he is lying next to Bluebeard with the keys in his hands, knowing that the next door he tries to unlock could be the last.
He has never felt quite so self-conscious before, not even with Genji. But he knows that Hanzo is right- and, more than that, he wants to.
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If we meet outside of here, do not give up on me.
[The car stops, and Hanzo pays the driver, but he doesn't get out just yet. He doesn't want to part ways with Zenyatta. Genji is gone but his belongings are still there. They make the place feel so empty. Lonely.]
Come in with me? Even if just for a while. [Zenyatta is suspiciously good and putting Hanzo to bed and slipping away before morning. Sometimes he wishes the latter wasn't part of it, but he attributes that to his recent increase in neediness. Dependence. He really should do better. Genji would hate to see him this way--but also if he cared about the aftermath he would have fought harder to stay with him. The selfish thought makes him fall back into the self-loathing again. Why would Zenyatta profess love to someone as terrible as he was?]
This life is the one we should be worried about while we are here.
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[Ne-ver, the word is the heartbeat he does not have. It resonates within the hollow shell of his chest, softer and softer, until the vehicle grinds to a halt and Hanzo moves. The spell is broken.
Zenyatta does not have to think about his answer.]
I would like that very much.
[The truth is that he is simply never sure of the kind of boundaries he should respect with Hanzo. His bed, his body, his thoughts... already he has been allowed into some of the most vigilantly guarded chambers of the man's life, and it is difficult to know where to stop. They have woken together before, of course, but on some nights it feels as if he is lying next to Bluebeard with the keys in his hands, knowing that the next door he tries to unlock could be the last.
He has never felt quite so self-conscious before, not even with Genji. But he knows that Hanzo is right- and, more than that, he wants to.
Zenyatta opens the door and climbs out.]
Come, Hanzo. Rest with me.